I hate it when I annoy myself.

I never realized how insecure i was till i fell in love.  That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

I think I’m having a nervous breakdown.  I’m not even PMS-ing.  What the fuck is wrong with me.  Honestly.  I’ve been ignoring my emotions for 25 years; what is so different that I am suddenly unable to DO that?

My horoscope from today:

“This is not the most cheerful of times, dear Pisces. This is because some important issues in your life are rearing their heads once again, forcing you to address them. Yes, we realize that you would rather not. But you cannot simply wish these problems away. The time has come to deal with them, once and for all. It is especially important that you make an effort to make your home life more positive and upbeat. Your loved ones look to you to set the tone.”

I don’t think I have ever read such an accurate horoscope.  WEIRD.

So what was my first clue that this was not the most cheerful of times?  The fact that I, someone who generally cries (maybe) once every 2 or 3 months have cried 3 times in the last WEEK?  I hate being like this.  I hate being so sensitive.  I hate some of the things I worry about, and I mostly know these things aren’t even true or accurate.  My stupid brain invents these things because I’m insecure and ridiculous.  It’s true.  I’ve been ignoring these things forever.  It was so much BETTER that way!  Why won’t it leave me alone??

I need to go to sleep.  Sleep will make it better.  I think I’ve slept a total of 15 hours this week.  Approximately 3 per night.  My insomnia has been way worse this week due to the sudden awareness of my major insecurities and life issues.

Just ignore the self-bashing.  I just needed to gripe for a bit.  Now that I’ve finished, I can get up and do the happy dance.  I don’t know what the happy dance IS, exactly, but I’m sure there IS one, dammit.

Next time I write I’ll be perky again.