tales of a 25th-year nothing.

damn, and i’d been so good about writing lately.  well, what can ya do?

not a whole lot happening these days.  oh wait, i haven’t written about my trip to visit the elementary school yet, have i?

well, it was interesting.  after years of yelling at everyone that i do NOT want to teach music, and please stop asking me about it, i think i may want to teach music.  ha.  bestfriendk just started laughing when i told her.  kind of funny.  of course, i used to be wholly opposed to teaching period, so maybe it wasn’t just the music part i was so hellbent against.  i’m not sure that made any sense.  whatev.

hmm.  i’m also not sure i feel like writing about that right now.  too much to think about.  i am about the least effective person i know at making decisions, and this whole career change thing seems to be overflowing with them.  it’s unsettling, to say the least.

do i do alternative certification and try to get an “internship” where i’m teaching and getting paid before i’m actually certified?

do i just go ahead and get my masters?

if i decide to teach music, i’ll have to get certified in Early Childhood through 12th grade, where as (is that one word or two?) if i just teach 2nd or 3rd grade or whatever, i can simply get certified in EC through 4th.  i’m so not interested in 8-12th grades, so it seems pointless to have to do EC-12, but that’s the only choice for music.  argh.

too many things to think about.  and that doesn’t even include freaking how the hell i’m going to pay for this.  granted moving back in w/mom and dad will help a lot.  but not with tuition.  so i’ve got to get going on the FAFSA thing.  another point to consider is that i’ve read that it is much harder to get loans or financial aid of any kind if you are not pursuing an actual degree (i.e., certification).  so in that sense it would be better to pursue my masters.  wtf?  it’s just too much.

on a more exciting note, C and i are beginning to plan a late summer trip to the beach.  either Cabo or Destin, FL, but we’re both leaning toward Cabo, i think.  serious excitement there.  i’ve been perusing photos and details of some of the resorts, and it is extremely good to have something to look forward to.  yay for vacations.

however, i do need to focus on making some progress on like, uh, my future.  and stuff.

man.  thursday after i left the school, i met my older brother (he’s 41) for lunch, and we ended up talking for over 3 hours.  mostly about our other brother, my mom, our dad, his two sons, etc.  at some point i began to think about how strange it is the place i’m at today in my life.  if you had known me in high school, i was incredibly driven and hard-working.  i tried out for every solo, every play, every outside choral activity, put 110% into all my projects for Renaissance English, got almost all As.  and here i am now.  25 years old, no clue where i am or where i’m going, totally lost and confused and unsure of how exactly i’m going to really be an adult one day.  i feel like i’m so far from where i thought i would be by the time i was 25.  i think i just figured i’d be more established.  how does such an over-achiever end up so lost? 

well, at least i’m trying to take some steps forward, i guess.  i hope it works out.