San Antonio Spurs that I hate:

1. Tony Parker. he’s french. the look pasted onto his french-ass face at all times says it all. “i’m tony paaarker, i’m so much BETTAH than EV’ryone…look how smug i can be, it’s because i’m so attractive and talented…AND my hot latina desperate housewife is ALMOST as good as i am!” i’m hereby changing his name to “Smuggy Parker.” take this idea and run with it.
Witness the smug:

2. Tim Duncan. isn’t that the name of one our local news weathermen here in Dallas? regardless, though: stop shaking your head in disbelief and looking all resigned and hated upon when you get a foul called on you, tim duncan. oh, life is so rough, weatherman. suck it up. take responsibility for your actions, even if you don’t think you fouled the guy. accept it and move on; it will be OK, really. also: stop being so tall and making so many baskets. it’s starting to piss me off.

Yes, Tim: you’ve been wronged again–

3. That guy who used to play for Dallas, what’s his name again? it’s an Irish name, but he’s black? FINLEY! well, anyway, i hate him, too. suddenly he’s scoring all these points? wtf? he plays for S.A. and suddenly he’s good? coincidence? i think not; something is very fishy about this.

what happened here?

4. Last, but certainly not least: freaking Manu Ginobli. OK, first of all, there is just something UCKY about him, don’t you think? he looks very…sketchy. scuzzy…? i’m not even sure of the proper word to describe the uneasiness that i feel when the camera zooms in on him. even when he’s not moving in for one of his many “up and over” shots, i still cringe and/or yell at him aloud. it usually makes me feel better. until he scores again, and then i start yelling again. point being, Ginobli upsets me. i do not like him, not one bit. i sound like sam i am, but you get it. plus, he’s balding. these things just do not make a good combination. i know what i’m talking about, here:

Note: Look, Tim Duncan hated Ginobli, too (when they weren’t teammates):

5. Honorable Mention: Steve Nash. yes, i know: he doesn’t play for the Spurs. but dammit. CUT YOUR HAIR, STEVE NASH. honestly. it really puts me out.

“hi, my name is steve nash, and i am secretly a woman:”

All in all, i do not like the Spurs. bring it on back to Dallas, guys, and beat their smug-because-they’re-last-year’s-champions asses. it will give me great pleasure.
Note to readers: If you’re a San Antonio fan, i hope i have adequately offended you; i would hate to disappoint….
Go Mavs!