halfway here, halfway there.

so here i am.  i think about this place, but not as often as i used to.  there are too many other things pulling at me, pushing me forward each day, telling me what to do, what not to do, which lists to make, which things to mark off the lists.

i start student teaching in january.  the 3rd grade.  it’s a great age; my twin niece and nephew are there now.  i’m hoping i’ll like it.  and i’m hoping the teacher will like me.  sigh.

i’ve been making really good grades in my classes (my lowest test grade so far is a 98), and i know it’s education, not rocket science, but it’s extremely time-consuming.  i take my high grades to mean that i actually like my classes.  tonight is the first time i have skipped a class all semester.  it was my only class this week, i’m doing really well in the class, and i’m almost finished with the project that’s due at the end of the semester.  my friend is going to fax me the homework assignment tomorrow morning, so i won’t have missed much.  it’s a strange thing to be on an actual career path.  it kind of reminds me of when i was in high school and had more drive than i knew what to do with.  i guess that was the problem–i wanted to be the best, but i wasn’t sure at what.  just everything, i guess.  now i just want to do something that i don’t hate and that might actually make some small difference in people’s lives.  i’m hoping, i really am.

C and i had our 1-year anniversary a month ago.  it was nice.  i guess i won’t keep track of the number of months anymore, huh?  it’s a weird thing, being so used to someone, never getting tired of being around them (even if you do get a little perturbed sometimes–everyone needs a little space).  how can i still LIKE this person, i wonder sometimes.  but i just take it as i’m lucky, and we’re lucky, and hopefully our luck will continue, and hopefully we’ll make it continue.  i love him.

you know what’s a good movie?  the royal tennenbaums.  c’s birthday was yesterday.  he’s 28.  i bought him a boombox for his iPod.  he likes it.  i would tell you what i’m getting him for christmas, but he might get sneaky and find this, and that would totally ruin the surprise!

i am so poor right now.  i’d like to mention that it’s the week of Thanksgiving and i have yet to receive my freaking financial aid check from the school.  what the hell?  poor.  what if i still don’t have it by january?  student teaching pays nothing.  i am REALLY going to be poor next semester.  not to mention the school district where i’ll be working and my university have two different spring breaks–meaning i won’t have one at all.  seriously.  seriously?

i’ve been thinking about several of you lately, wondering how you’re all doing, what’s going on in your lives.  good things, i hope.  also, whatever happened to galaxy?  i think i had her new website after the diary-x meltdown, but i must’ve lost it. 

i hate that i’ve met such wonderful people through this blogging thing, and now i’m living my life here and missing out on all of yours.  is it strange to care about people you’ve never met?  at various times over the last 4 or so years, i’ve known some of you very well, known all about what kind of things you’ve gone through, and you’ve known all about me.  it’s just kind of weird to lose touch, somehow.  not like losing touch with people from high school, because looking back, those people never knew me at all.  even though when i write on here, sometimes i try to word things a certain way, hoping to be a little more interesting than i actually am or hoping to get a chuckle or two, it’s still the real me.  i’ve always been better at talking through paper than face-to-face.

so i hope that all of you know you have made a difference in my life, even if i’m too busy or distracted to follow your day to days these days.  you all deserve so much happiness!  life is crazy.  i am crazy.  it’s weird.  i’ve embraced the crazy to some degree.  though i could still stand to see a therapist.  =)

peace to you all, all of you out there, who are reading and who once read…

love to you.